Hi... I am Ruby.... a one year old terror of a chocolate cloud Kelpie... and I am staying with Nanna chris while mum is in Bali....
"I'm goin to Milo's... I'm goin to Milo's ( Sung to my favourite tune... " Who let the dogs out !")
I luuurv goin to Milos... cos I get to dig up all the Bones he has chewed... and he thinks they are safe from me... then I just prance around like a Giselle in front of him... He gets pretty cranky... cos after all... he is 93 in human years... and I'm only 7 !
FRIDAY October 15th... 9.00am
We walked to the Dog Beach Today.. it was sooo much fun... chasing the ball and stuff.. but then other dogs arrived... and they are just SO NOT ALLOWED ON OUR DOG BEACH ! Its just mine and Milo's... so I showed my teeth and woz very unsociable....
Chris got weally kwanky with me... and said " if you don't improve your attitude... you will be sent to a farm and made to round up sheep all day... and sleep on a wet blanket under a farmers house !"
Hmm.. that can't be good... Wot?? and not sleep on the leather couch at mums, or better still ON HER BED?
I think I will behave from now on....
Saturday October 16th... 8.00am
Yay.. Yay... Today we are goin to Peppy Beach... I luurrve it there... cos I can prance around the bush and stir up all the other dogs that CHris loves there... Like, Hugo and Elsie and Jess and Come ere ( come here is her real name !!!... very uninteresting owner of that dog !)
WHile Nanna chris is busy downstairs... loading the car.. I think I will sneak upstairs and see wots happening up there.
Wots this?? A white bottle with a child proof cap on it?
Har... that doesn't fool me... I will just CHEW THE LID OFF...
Oh bonus... its full of bright green and burgundy coloured smarties....! I think I will eat them all, chomp, chew slober...
Hmm.. they dont taste like smarties... but wot the heck... may as well eat them all now.
Oooah aarh ! I hear Nanna... and I've been a big burgundy and green slimey mess on her doona ( which used to be white !)
Nanna has turned white !
What thehell are Thyroid capsules anyway??? I only ate 70 out of the 100..
Why is she turning pale??
Why am I feeling suddenly energetic? Why is she frantically calling the Vet and the Pharpacist !
Ooops... WHY ARE WE HEADING TOWARDS THE VET IN A HURRY... I CAN SEEEESE IT... I HAVE BEEN THERE BEFORE.
Noooooo... don't put that thing in my bottom ~~~! some things are just not supposed to be into dogs bottoms !! Honestly I am not hot and I dont have temperature ! ( apparently I did... and a very high one)..
I smell cats... cats.. I DON'T LIKE CATS... Only leo... and I can't smell him.
Crap...I only ate smarties..
What !!!? I have to have two big needles... and be put to sleep and made to vomit... and have fluids ?..and stay till 4pm!
anna said SHE could have gone to Bali with what the Vet said it was gonna cost....
Ooops that can't be good.... But yes it would be... cos then she would have been with my mum???
SAME DAY: later... like 4pm
I have chucked up so much my throat is weaaallly weally sore... and I am tiiiired.... Good that I can sleep in the car all the way to Peppy...
SAME DAY: 6pm
We are here after 2 hours YAY... I am prancing around the bush like a Giselle !! Nothing appears to be wrong with me now !!.... c'ept my throat is very very sore... Hmm... I think I will eat some grass...
Wots this?? A bee... ha ! I think I will hassle him.
Holy Crapolas !! IT BIT ME IN THE MOUTH.... YOOOOOOWWWWW..
SAME DAY 8pm
Nanna Chris is so good to me... She is laughing cos my lips are swollen where that party pooper bee bit me... and she said I look like " Mick Jagger"
(Who the hell is he anyway) She has pulled the sting from my lips... but my throat is still sore.
She has held ice cubes wrapped in chux wipes on my lips for two hours..
I am actually feeling better... but luuuuvvving this attention
I played a very soookie lah lah part in this whole scenario.
Sunday OCtober 16th - out for morning wee.
My Throat just isnet right? Did they stick that rotten tube tooo far down it when they were making me vomit?
I think I will eat these luscious looking green plants growing the the wine barrels on the verandah... the ones with the plush, lush and ready to fruit grape vines.
I heard chris telling comeone they were " Cintronella plants" from the geranium family... and they keep mozzies away...
Chomp, chomp... hmmm thats about the tenth leaf I've chewed..
but why do I feel weird??
Chris has caughtme chewing stuff again and has freakedout.
I heard her ring the Capel Vet and tell them what I had done...
TOXIC?? Wots that mean??? Dangerous to dogs??? Nooooooo
Theres that thing that they stick in bottoms that shouldn't go in bottoms.
I am gonna just wee on their floor... I am a bit scared.... See how they like that !
WOuld they want that stuck up their bottom everytime they felt ill?
I DON'T FINK SOO.
NOT TWO MORE NEEDLES... one for pain... one instant 24hour antiobiotic to stop the poisoning??? Wot that.
i thought they were just a harmless plant?
SUNDAY NIGHT 17th... 8pm
Got to go home to Peppy Now... stayed at the Capel Vets for a while... I am getting to know lots of vet surgeries... and not sure I weally like them.
They smell like cats... and things that haven't lived... and stuff !
MONDAY October 18t.
I am gulping and swallowing hard like I have something in my throat? I heard nanna on the phone to the BUSSELTON VET NOW... cos Capel closed on Mondays.
They said my throat woud have been red raw from eating all the Citronella and probably feel like I had something stuck in there so to keep her eye on me.
We went to the beach... but I just didn't feel myself.
On the way home...thought I would eat some grass to make me feel better... cos that is what dogs do.
But I didn't know it had those BARBED WIRE TYPE SEEDS ON IT !
dAMN IT... ONE IS CAUGHT IN MY THROAT... and I cant swallow it... and I can't bring it up !! I am going red in the face ... ( redder than my fur..)
Poor nanna... she is at her " wits end" ( I heard her tell our neighbours that ....
We have to go to busselton vet now... Cos the Capel one is closed.
They have given me more tablets... big mothers o ones that Chris hides int he special fresh chicken and rice she has cooked for me ( cos I can't eat dog biscuts now... cos my thwoat is ooooo so sore... from first the thyroid tablets... then from the citronella plants... and now from the grass seeds...
They had to do an eposectomy to get those out ! I think Nanna says that would've paid for top notch accomodation in Bali... which funnly enough is where my mum is !! Muuuummm... where are you?? I wann come home... stuff is just being really mean to me for some reason lately??
The Vet says I am a " Working DOg" and need to be constantly entert5ained....
I think I have been entertaining this week haven't I?
I am seriously not good... Nanna gave me some nice chuck bones that I aaalllways have... but Milo looked like trying to seel them... so I actually ate the whole bone so he couldn't get it !
That night... I chucked up on the floor... and it was all just bones.
That really hurt my already sore hroat.
I think I will lay low today and try and be good.
Had a scheduled check up with the Vet today...My throat is still red and inflamed ( does that mean on fire... cos thats wot i feels like???) So shegave me a repeat of the antiobiotics... I feel like a walking Pharmacy... but its good... cos Nanna hides the tablietsin bits of cheese or fresh chicken.... Doesshe think I'm nuts???
I would eat spit off the ground if it were in front of me...
I have had to stay on the verandah allll day... and wasn't allowed to go into the bush to terrorize nastysnakes.... or bark at innocent kids... or anyfingcos Chris is paranoid I will eat grass seets, get bitten, or get run over from running over to talk to the cows in the paddock.
It isn't fun anymore here.
I wanna go home.
Wheres my mom??
sunday 24TH oCTOBER
THINGS ARE BEING PACKED... SHE HAS PUT ALL THAT STUFF i WANNA CHEW ... IN HER BAG FIRST SO IT IS AT THE BOTTOM.
I AM WATCHING CAREFULLY..
But Chris is watching more carefully !!
IN SUMMARY AFTER 11 days
THINGS I ACTUALLY ATE SUCCESSFULLY
70 thyroid tablets ( taste like smarties... but not good for you)
One bee sting ( not recommended... not fun)
Lots of citronella plants ( burny after taste.... like hot curry)
Two grapevines ( starting to look good, but weren't ripe eough)
Lead pencil on verandah ( but spat out the rubber bit)
Dead stinky goanna on path to beach ( Savour!!)
Fishermans bait from his box on the beach ( Sorry Sir..!!)
ATTEMPTED TO EAT:
Mobile phone belonging to Nanna chris ( she caught me just in time
Nannas reading glasses ( got one arm chewed off succcessfully)
Chris's dressmaking tapemeasure ( got to 70 centimetres..)
Paw Paw cream in lounge ( tasted like crap so gave up)...
All events, happenings and goings on in this story 100% happened... and all characters within story are 100% REAL AND ALIVE ( for now..) and remarkably so considering the circumstances...
This is a serious " Woofable Read" - I rekon I should have been a writer in my previous life... or perhaps in my next life?? That could be soon.
Slurp lick.... can I have a smacko??
PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR OPINIONS ON THE FOLLOWING?
WHat are dogs thinking when they way their tails and sniff each others bottoms?
What are they saying when their shackles are up?
Can they see colour? or should we just always wear black or white?
Do they feel " Gay" when their owners dress them in silly coats?
All these questions and more..
HAVE A WOOFABLE GOOD DAY...